I think people generally use this term to capture the idea that a woman can have a family and a career and be somewhat equal in terms of footing and fulfillment in both. That much I understand. But at least for me, the idea of what it might mean to have equal footing and fulfillment in both seems like it would change far too often.
For instance, there have been recent days filled with such soaring heights of jubilation and delight in my little X that I've called Dad up at work to announce my intention to stay at home forever. And then there have been days peppered with just enough moments of frustration and boredom, or just plain tedium, to make me realize that this would not be a sustainable option. Thinking back to firm life, there were days when I'd be on a roll till 1 a.m. at the office...or I'd find myself finishing something with a flourish after spending a whole weekend on it...and I'd actually feel triumphant and powerful. Then there were days when I wanted nothing more than to leave at 5 p.m., crawl into bed, and never come out again.
Taking this pattern of vacillation into account, I can't figure out what having "it all" could ever mean for me. Even if I ended up going part-time and finding a way to blend firm life and home life...the balance would only ever be perfect for small chunks of time. I bet most of the time I'm going to feel like I'm short-changing both worlds, all the while realizing that I don't actually want to give that much more of my life to one world or the other.
This is really just my rambling way of admitting that I'm scared senseless about going back to work. But I'm doing it anyway. On April 14.
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| X in his "office" |
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| X at rest |
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| X showing off his new haircut (courtesy of Dad) |
That is a really good point. There are such highs and lows with both work and family. I don't think "having it all" means you're always totally happy and fulfilled. You find your balance, and you strive to find one you're happy with. That's not always possible. There are lots of things I could/should be doing at work, and frankly I feel like people without kids are more likely to do them (extra late nights, lots of networking and industry events, bar association involvement, publishing, etc.) but I just don't feel I'd have enough family time if I did all that stuff. There's a partner who joined our firm recently who has an amazing book of business and is deeply involved in both industry and bar association groups and leads all sorts of justice/public interest initiatives, and she has a baby (clearly she waited until she made partner). I'm starting out my career, like you, with young kids, and we'll have to make tradeoffs because of that. I don't expect to be like that partner in ten years. I'm just not on that career path. I guess my "having it all" would look a little more like that, except ALSO with the two kids and plenty of time to spend with them. Which is just never going to happen.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, love that baby smile and the dinosaur jammies! X looks so much like his daddy.
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